Welcome to The Creative Writing Class Blog of Englit '45

Fear2

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Posted by Endang S Priyatna (Curly) | Posted on Thursday, December 25, 2008 | Posted in

One by one, everyone runs away. And here I am, decayed and dying at the corner of this deserted room.

Why should I stay? What keeps me here? Is there a little hope left here? They say,"there's a hope in every despair". "I have doubt in me; fear is consuming me", I reply. "Don't you know fear? fear that also drove you away, forsaking this cursed place" I say. "Why don't you stay too? Don't you say there's a hope in every despair?", I say again.

"because hope is for you, and life is for us" they say.

One by one, everyone runs away with their life. And here I am, decayed and dying at the corner of this deserted room, letting fear consume me.

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Posted by Endang S Priyatna (Curly) | Posted on Thursday, December 11, 2008 | Posted in

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Poetry

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Posted by Reza Anggriyashati Adara | Posted on Saturday, December 06, 2008 | Posted in ,

implicitly they say,
if you saw children dying in hunger
"close your eyes"
if you saw injustice in everywhere,
"Close your eyes"

we live in the world of ignorance
stop to be innocence
but pretend that you some care
so you dont have to be shame

believe nothing but wealth
it buys anything even truth
turn black into white
turn liar into noble one

The Truth

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Posted by Creating Class 2005 | Posted on Thursday, December 04, 2008 | Posted in

I saw an evil.
Every time you met me you always said that I wasn’t worthy to have all I got. You always thought that was because of you, all are yours. You’re the best and I was nothing.
“I deserve to get happiness” said I
“No, you’re not”
“But why?”
“Because definitely I’m the first and you’re the second”
“What’s wrong with you?”
“Nothing, I’m just jealous with you”
“Ok, I think this conversation is over”
“Em, no problem”
“Just leave this room!”
One of my servants entered the room “I’m so sorry Mam if I’m disturbing you but there’s someone out there and he wants to meet you soon” said he.
“Yes of course, no problem Amir. Just let the guest come in” I told him.
“O my dear, how are you?” the guest smiled at me.
“Wow you’re surprising me Uncle Ben. I’m really fine thank you and how about you?” I asked.
“I’m fine but just getting older than you met me a couple of years ago, Mrs. Johnson”
“No uncle, you always look young for me” I kissed one of his cheeks.
I and Uncle Ben had dinner together that night but it’s too bad that he couldn’t stay any longer.
“Did you tell about me to Uncle Ben, didn’t you?”
“No, I didn’t and where are you coming from, and why don’t you show up when he came? Hah, are you afraid of…” I said it with a big smile
“I’m must afraid of what?! The only one who must afraid of cheating is only you, My Mrs. Johnson. Or maybe you’re boring with all that you’ve got so you decide to put them back by telling the truth? Em, with my pleasure I’ll help you my lady.”
“You... Why are you always bothering me?! With the way you look which is always same like me, stop imitating me, evil” I really felt angry.
“Hey, my soul mate, why do you become so rude to me? Don’t you remember that we’re twin so that’s why we always look like each other and about imitating Mam, on the contrary because the one here who always imitating is you. ”
Kringgg…kringgg…kringgg. Ah, the phone rang and really felt glad with it.
“Hello” I hung up the ringing phone.
“O hello. Honey, I’m so sorry because I’ll go home late. The CEOs are asking a meeting to discuss about the new product of the company tomorrow early morning and that’s why I must prepare the concept this night since two hours ago. I’m really sorry dear because I can have dinner with you.” Said Mr. Johnson
“It’s fine, I’m understand about it. Em… Uncle Ben visited me about two hours ago and we had dinner together.” I told him about Uncle Ben visiting.
“What a surprise, but it’s too bad because I couldn’t meet him, maybe next time. “
“Yeah, he also said that he will move to this town next month because his project on the last town had already finished. So, we can visit him as often as we want.”
“Honey…there is something else that you want share with me? “
“I guess not.”
“Are you sure? Did Uncle Ben tell something hurt you? ” Mr. Johnson still asked his wife.
“Yes definitely I’m sure for one hundred percent, Boss “I convinced him.
“Did Uncle Ben tell you something em…about Jessica? “
I kept silence for a while “No honey, he didn’t say anything about her. Maybe he doesn’t want to remind that sad story.”
“Ok I’m glad to hear that. I will arrive at home maybe about next an hour. Be a good girl until I’ll get home.” Mr. Johnson finished the conversation.
I knew that I was a fortune woman. I had a very great man as my husband. Even I didn’t have anyone except uncle Ben as my family who take care of me since I was a little girl, I was still happy because Andrean Johnson really loved me without looked my family background and it’s enough for me to forget that I was an orphan.

“Hey... Jessica comes here soon. Look this beautiful view.” I heard my name and soon I came toward the sound.
“Yeah, it’s really amazing how come you find this place?” I asked her.
“Hahaha…it’s because I’m the best. I’m more blessed than you, Jessica. “She said it with laughing. Suddenly I felt that all my jealousy of her was getting more and more.
“Hello, I’m back” the familiar voice disturbed my daydreaming.
“You!” I felt angry.
“I thought that you’re flash back to the last time when we did our journey to the Gede Mountain a few years ago, isn’t it?”
I was not interesting to answer the question. “Just leave me alone, you evil” I screamed.
“Evil?! You said that I’m an evil? You’re the true evil and plus a big liar”
I threw a glass on my hand to her.
Pranggg”Ups… sorry but you miss it.”
“What do you want from me; please…I can’t handle this anymore. Every time you’re always bothering me and my life, I’m begging you to leave me alone.” I cried.
“You know what I want. I want everything from your life. If you give it, I will leave you alone.”
“Including my soul, isn’t it?” I looked at her face sharply.
And you smiled. I knew since the beginning that it would be over if I gave my life to her. I was tired with the situation. I took an envelope knife on the table.
Brakkk… honey what are you doing? Put it back, please” said my beloved husband
I shook my head.
“Seara please, put the knife down.” He still begged
“Seara? I’m not Seara. I’m Jessica. My name is Jessica. Seara was dead, she felt into the stream at Gede Mountain and not Jessica” I whispered
“Come on, do it Jessica. And I promise that it’ll be over for you and for me” said her
“Shut up, I hate you, you made my life so miserable” I cried again
“Hey, with whom you’ve talk to, Seara?” he confused
“I told you before that my name is Jessica and not Seara. Don’t you get it?” said I
“Ok... just be calm with the knife. And Let we talk to solve the problem.” He still begged
“You never love me. You always love Seara and not me.” I told him
“No, I love you always and you know it. Seara I’m sorry I mean Jessica.” He tried to make me calm.
“You never can forget her, don’t you?” I asked him again.
“I love you know and ever.” He answered my question.
“Even I’m Jessica and not Seara?
“Yes, I love you no matter who you are.”
“Liar, he is such a big liar, you know Jessica when I’m falling into the stream I was pregnant his child. It means that I’m his true love and not you. You are only a follower and a cheater. You took all what I had” the sound tried to make me confused.
I was really shocked to hear that and I couldn’t control my hand anymore.

“Jessica please helps me... I still love my life, I don’t want die soon” Seara panicked.
“Ok... I’ll try to get a help for you, just wait” I said.
“No, just give me your hand I’m really scare if you leave me alone.” Seara still panicked.
O God, why was that bad memory coming back at this time? I stabbed my chest.
“O, dear... what are you doing? I love you much. I know that you are Jessica and not Seara. I knew it since long ago, and also your uncle. He is really sorry that he can’t share his love to you as same as Seara. We know the truth and we kept silence because is not matter who ever you are.” He continued his sentences. “Seara got a cancer that’s why she really jealous with you because her time is not longer anymore. And Uncle Ben knew it since she was a little girl, that’s why he always gave his love much to Seara than to you.” He hugged me so tight look like that he wasn’t to share his life on me that time.
“But Seara was pregnant that time” I said it with my weakness.
“Yeah, I also know it but Seara knew that her life only left for five months and that’s why she is so possessive to me. I knew that you’re so afraid of letting Uncle Ben felt sad because of Seara and you chose that the dead body was Jessica and not Seara. But we knew it and ignored it because we love you. If I can turn back the time, I’ll chose you as my love and not Seara.” cried Andrean.
“Please help me… I don’t want to lose you and my life so soon” I whispered. But before I close my eyes I saw the smile, the usual smile from Seara. A victory smile, no… it’s an evil smile.

***

A Little Girl and Me

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Posted by Creating Class 2005 | Posted on Thursday, December 04, 2008 | Posted in

The wind blew softly, the weather cool enough and the smell of the fresh grass created a harmony even in a grave yard. The sound of a crying little girl in a front of a grave brake a quietness on that place. She cried slowly but every creatures on that place which was used to with the loneliness definitely was hampered by the sound even just a little.

She was a beautiful orphan girl. She looked pale with a pair of sad grey eyes and brunet hair. Her legs was very dirty because she didn’t wear sandals or shoes, she was barefeet. She spread some wild flowers on that grave with shaking hands which described that she could handle the emotions and what she felt on that time.

A black dove bird flew toward her which looked like it already there to share the little girl pain. She suddenly realized that not only her but also there was other lives which already existed there before her. She shook her head by hoping could find someone else and not only the bird there and she smiled a very charming smile because her hope was granted, she found me.

“Why you always cry little girl ?” I asked her.
“Because I feel so lonely without anyone beside me.”
“But you always cry everyday”
She smiled.

I looked at her eyes deeper “Hey, it doesn’t mean that you can cry like that.”
“Yeah, I know that isn’t good for me.”
“Um…OK” I couldn’t anymore to not caressed her hair “But what can I do for you to make you stop crying, dear ?”
“I will stop crying if I can go out of here, how is that ?” She said that with her innocent face.
“But I came here almost everyday to play with you. I always tells you a different story and gave you a candy when I came everyday.” I touched one of her chubby cheeks.

She showed me all her candies to me “you can take them back if you want to.”
It surprised me “Are you boring with the candies, honey ?”, “why you didn’t tell me since I gave it to you for the first time, six years ago ?” , “how about chocolate, hmm... ?”

She shook her head “No…I don’t anything from you. I know that I’ve already had you beside me and that’s enough but I promise you for not crying like that anymore with one condition that you will let me go, will you ?” There were tears on her face.

“OK !”
“Are you serious ?”
“Yeah, I was falling in love with you since I saw you for the first time; with your eyes twelve years ago and your crying for the first time in your life, Julia. And because we have the same destiny, to complete each other.”
She smiled and hold my face with her two little white hands “So, it’s the time right ?”

“Yup, it’s the time. It’s the right time, dear.” I convinced myself.
She whispered some strange air into my face and suddenly I felt free. We flew together through the sky. I looked down to the grave yard and saw her grave which was written “Julia Anniston, R.I.P on 12 October 2002”. Yeah, the Bali Bombing has token her life six years ago when I took her for vacation but unlucky me because that accident not took my life also but only her. That’s why I couldn’t let her go because I didn’t have anyone else in my life.

“We will be sister forever?” she asked.
“Yeah, we will be sister forever.” I convinced her and myself .

Fear

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Posted by Endang S Priyatna (Curly) | Posted on Wednesday, December 03, 2008 | Posted in

How wonderful the way you run for you life. What a relief for amounting fear consuming your sensibility. When the fear grows stronger, it's a very wise decision to run for your life, before it breaks you into pieces.

As for me, whose life is lifeless; sensibility is senseless, letting the fear consume sensibility seems to be wise indeed. What a foolish wisdom-a fool never gets wise. It's just a faultiness, a fool always believes to be wise.

Talking to Angel

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Posted by Creating Class 2005 | Posted on Tuesday, December 02, 2008 | Posted in

There was an angel.

He was standing under a dying tree in middle of an abandon grassy yard. Afternoon sun gave a perfect glance of him, an unhandsome old man with almost bald gray hair. The wind breezed his dreary dirty shattered wings, a type which you wouldn’t ever see at immaculate Christmas’s postcard image.

But I knew he is an angel. His feet didn’t touch dry and cloaked soil under him. Instead, he could be perfectly portrayed as vague resemblance from Rembrandt’s painting than real flesh and blood substances like me. And I knew he was an angel because my heart said so, and what you could ever believe more? Mind, no way. It would only give you a full non-sense things which intoxicating those so-called materialists.

“Like her.” I murmured unconsciously. I didn’t know why but sometimes I couldn’t control myself.

He gave me his toothless smile as I moved toward him. He talked, with universal language, which didn’t have to be uttered. But you would understand it instantly because your heart, the very trusted part of your soul, said so. Hitherto I decided to pause my indefatigable journey of search of the truth to talk to him.

“I was lost”

“From what?” asked me, with mortal language, which had to be uttered since my mortal nature hindered me from not doing so.

“ A battle”

“What battle?”

“Of her soul.” Then he cried, with tears that you wish you wouldn’t ever see or imagine, in the rest of your sinner days.

I instantly felt some kind guilt, the one that you felt after you yelled at your parents or hurt someone you loved the most. I didn’t know why, but I assumed it was simply because he was an angel, the most sacred being after God himself. I hoped you would nod to my statement if you also believed in them.

I asked him again, “Who’s she and why you cried?” Instead of answering my question, he asked me to walk with him. I, who was charmed by his uncanny irresistible charisma, can’t resist his invitation. He seemed able providing my agitated search of answer of the real truth; one, which made me, couldn’t rest even for a while.

In the middle of our journey, we meet cavemen who wear nothing but scattered animal’s leather in their bodies. They were worshipping a giant stone and chanting words, which I couldn’t interpret. Then the thunder suddenly flashed and shattered a giant tree into two pieces. The thunder shocked them and but after few moments, they turned worshipping the torn giant tree.

I sighed with disgust feeling toward them, “Huh, morons. How dumb they are? Why they worship things that wouldn’t grant anything? Why they are very easily enchanted by any power?”

I thought The Angel would agree, or at least nod to my statement but I was shocked when he said that I was no better than those cave people. I, with my self-centered mortal proud, rejected his opinion, “Absolutely, I was better than them. Unlike those cavemen, I am worshipping monotheist God or also known as your own Boss.”

“But don’t you think they are resembling who you were in your early days?” He revealed solemnly. “They are in restless infant search of God, believing anything or anyone.” I was double stunned, not only because of his words but also some annoying memory of mine.

The sun shone brightly as if it would burn anything under its shine. I, who was captivated by his power asking, “Are you God?” No reply.

Then a cockroach mesmerized me with its disgusting so-called wings.
“Or you” I pointed the big cockroach under kitchen’s table. No reply.
Thus, I realized that I could save myself from the burn sun above me and I could kill the cockroach in few second. So…

“Or me” I pointed myself.

No reply.

Then I decided to worship myself. Ha.

“Before you become very self righteous like those so called fundamentalists, let us continue our walk and you can decide who’s better then.” Said The Angel.
After that we continued our walk until reaching the border of abandons land and city. I immediately warned him, “Don’t go to the city, the place was burned out with the inner hell.”

He only gave me a beatific smile instead of an uttered language. Again, I guessed he wanted me to follow him first.
I chose to follow him first.

We arrived at the Islamic clergy elementary school in the suburban area. The class was already started; students were listening their teacher with full-adored attention. “There is no God besides Allah, and Mohammed is His prophet.” Said teacher. My memory wandered to my own childhood days in clergy school.
“When you did naughty things, you will suddenly enter hell, the place of eternal fire where sinners become its fuel.” Said my teacher. His words rose hair at nape of my neck. Then I asked him back, “What we should do to avoid hell?” He answered with solemn voice, “Don’t do naughty things and prayed to Allah all the time.”

I was praying five times to avoid hell.
I was fasting in Ramadan only for releasing my body from hell.
No reply. But I was still worshiping God.

The angel grinned; I thought he was reading my own self-sin confession. I felt little bit embarrassed. But the Angel said that I was not the only one who felt like that. Hell is not only a horrifying but also captivating word. Most of people, prayed to God in order to avoid Hell alone.

But, was it the only core of worshipping?

Was it wrong?

How about love toward God?

How about you?

Is it God who captivating you to His shrine or his eternal fire where your full of sin body will be its eternal fuel?

I guessed no one could give us exact answer besides the Angel and of course, God himself since He is the source of all knowledge. Then I turned to Angel next me for exact answer. But I was wrong, instead answering my question; he just smiled and said that I was the only one who could answer my own restless question. Human is the most self-denying creature. No matter how perfect the answer it was, human would always seek another one and perceive what they consider as the most fitted one for them and not the truth.

Again, I was tormented by the truth. But, did he really tell the truth? My humanly egotistical feeling forced me to deny it.

Then we continued our journey until we arrived at the gate of university. Again, he shed his tears. I, who was confused by his attitude, asked him the reason behind his tears. He said that university was the place where human starts to reject God by assuming that they are already finding ultimate knowledge of everything.

“Like Her.”

“Was it wrong? Was it human’s mission to find ultimate knowledge of everything?” Asked me.

“No, there was nothing wrong about it but the arrogance was the down side. When human starts to feel they are already being the source of knowledge, they begin to be shame about believing God. They begin to separate faith from everything, as if talking about God is only one level polite than talking about enjoying carnal activity with Parisian Prostitute.” He uttered briefly.

O, don’t remind me about those days. It tortured me a lot.

“Nietzsche said that God is dead.” Said I in the front of lecturers.
No, he is still alive.

“God is only kind of opium which making society in the high stone of frantic waiting toward afterlife.”

But I am waiting for that.

“Therefore we should separate frantic belief of God in our pure minded college”
But I do believe in God like Peter Pan with his belief to fairies.

I do.
I do.

“I do believe in God.” I murmured unconsciously. Again.
“Yes, you do. She did that too.” He answered my unconscious murmur with full attention, “But you chose to pretend as if you didn’t. You knew it was very not intellectual for valedictorian like you to believe in such myth called God.”
Again, he ripped me for the truth and I am tortured as well embarrassed with my inner self. But I preferred to deny it because it was easier than accepting who really I am.

I do.

“Like Her.”

Another stop was Internet café, the new restless shrine of modern human. People starred at the computer’s screen with full attention, some giggling and some expressing their horny face. The Angel was stand still. We talked no more but watching them.

After few seconds, The Angel asked me with sounds like an archaic question, “I couldn’t understand but wonder why so called modern human built it.”

“It is new stage of modern communication, human could cut the distance and communicate easily with other people in every part of earth. Internet makes the world becoming smaller, faster, and more efficient.” I answered with kind of proud toward Internet, the best human’s invention ever.

But he grinned instead of admiring, “Don’t you think Internet is kind of oxymoron. When human say that they build new stage of communication, they also cut the real communication at same time. They are so called virtually talking to people. Frantically believing that they had find so-called friends in empty non-exist world. They are modern human who denying God but looking elsewhere to find substitute. In the end, they find nothing but empty life, like you.”

“Like Her.”

“Don’t you think, God is also kind of modern communication, an oxymoron. When I prayed to God, I felt like talking in private chatting room which giving me nothing but empty reply.” I answered him with full rage, which I didn’t understand where it came from.

He answered my question somberly, “You know you already got the answer from God himself. But you chose to be deaf, blind, and mute as if nothing had happened. Then you asked to God about why He didn’t reply your prayers. But in fact, he did.”

“Are you God?” I asked ‘Das Capital’.

“Or you?” I pointed Adam Smith.

“Or you, are you God?” I frantically asked my own laptop.

“Where’s God?” I shouted out loud to dark cloudy sky upon me.

Then my heart said with very calm voice, almost silent, “He is here, near you, very near with you.” Sorry, but I heard nothing.
No reply.

A hollow in my heart.

Tears busted out from my eyes. A hollow. A hollow. Could you explain this hollow? I turned to Angel furiously, “Why, why I can’t find him in anywhere? Why I have to feel this hollow which causing my restless search of truth.” The Angel sighed, “She also felt like that too. She felt alone, hollow. I was lost from Her soul. No reply.”

“Who’s she? Why you always talked about her? It is about me, not her. ” I asked him infuriately. “It’s about us. She’s me, She’s you. We are unison.” He revealed truth. I frowned, “Who?”

“She’s, our writer.” Said The Angel.

What.

“She writes all these things. You and me. We are merely characters who projecting Her hysterical search of God.” Revealed him.
NONONONONONO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“But NO, I am alive, I am real human, I can think, I can breathe.” Denied me.

“Yes, but everything that you did, is merely thing which was pre-instructed by Her. You are only a frantic character which resembling Her Humanity confusion about God. You have no free will, so that you can’t be classified as human.” Revealed The Angel, again.

I cried, with my selfish tears, which denied my so-called false existence and indeed, Her existence which giving me nothing but whole restless confusion.

“Why She didn’t ask me, or at least feel pity on me before She created me?” I asked him angrily. The Angel gave me no reply. His silent intensified my anger. The Internet café was suddenly gone like blur water paint and turned into desert of nowhere. The desert wind blew hard to my face and his almost shattered wings. I looked hysterically to my surroundings.

I laughed loudly. She wanted to show Her omnipotent power but again, I would fight Her, you back. “I won’t lose from you.” I shouted Her.

I shouted him afterward, “Didn’t you feel same anger like me because of your ugly physical performances which She self-interestedly created? Why She gave you, the being who has fully faith on her, such a extremely ugly physical outlooks like this?”

Then he suddenly cried, again, his tears tortured me the most. “Why you cried? Did you felt sorry for your physical outlooks?” I asked him calmly. “No, I didn’t cry for that unimportant reason. Why She had to ask us for that? She’s our Creator; She can do anything as She pleases, including creating you and me without asking our pre-permission.” Answered The Angel.

“Including creating your ugly physical performances as She wished.” I inquired him back, only to burst his angelic anger, which turned Pious Lucifer to be King of Satan. He just nodded instead turn back to be furious about Her Injustice.

“I cried because She asked same question to Her own Writer, about why She had to be created with such restless question and to be very tormented by Her own restless search of truth or I rather say the real awakening. I cried because She chose to disbelief every answer that I gave. Like you, She also couldn’t endure the truth.” The Angel reasoned. “But how difficult it is, it is the real truth. I couldn’t give you any answer ‘cause you already chose to deny me.”

I cried.

We cried.

Yes, it was. He already gave me the answer that I looked for so long but I didn’t know why I still felt the burden deep inside in my hollow heart. Why you still put it?

Maybe, maybe, it was better for me, for us, to never know the truth, to be real deaf, blind, and mute. But I couldn’t.

“Imagine if there is no heaven”
John Lennon
Sorry John, but I couldn’t.
Me.
Reza Anggriyashati Adara.
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